Posted by
flagwaver on Monday, January 14, 2008 8:18:13 PM
Recently my younger brother and I were talking and the subject of movies came up, and we began talking about movies. Naturally, for us, we got onto the subject of which was the worst movie ever…or at least we have seen. So I decided to devote a special blog posting for the express purpose of listing 5 of the worst movies I have ever seen. Feel free to add your comments or additions to the list, since there have to be some stinkers that I have (mercifully) missed out on. Enjoy!
Fifth Place: (tie) Batman & Robin and Cat Woman. I understand that many people do not like movies based on comics and these two turkeys are the reason why. From the dark, brooding Dark Knight as portrayed by Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer the Batman series devolved into a bad comic on the silver screen in the pic starring George Clooney (?), Chris O’Donnell, Alicia Silverstone, The Governator, and Uma Thurman. Plenty of colors, but a terrible plot and even worse acting nearly killed the Caped Crusader for good. Thank goodness for Christian Bale and the film Batman Begins or we would have been left with this garbage as a testament to what Batman movies were supposed to be. As for Cat Woman, Halle Berry was beautiful as usual, but that was the only good thing about this movie. The script sucked, the plot was weak, and the only saving grace was plenty of Halle Berry in the cat suit…MEOWWW indeed!
Fourth Place: Red Dawn*. What would have happened to the US of A during the Reagan years if the Soviets and Cubans had decided to invade America? According to this flick, the US armed forces would have been overwhelmed and the Soviet-Cuban partnership would have taken over the Midwest, leaving America’s fate in the hands of a plucky band of high school kids led by Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, and Jennifer Grey. Somehow we are supposed to believe that a bunch of kids on horseback and rifles could take down an army that had successfully invaded and occupied America? Sorry, but there is not that much “suspension of disbelief” in the world!
Third Place: Showgirls. Elizabeth Berkley graduated form Bayside High and went to Vegas to become a showgirl without Zack, Kelly, Lisa, or even Screech to help her. Well she should have stuck with what she was good at: being a cute girl. This was probably the worst acted movie, and worst written, that I have seen. The only thing that is keeping it out of the top two spots is that it didn’t have some “bankable” star stinking out the joint; this was a vehicle meant to help Ms. Berkley cut her teeth in feature films. Too bad it nearly ruined her career before it could get started; and if an agent ever deserved to be fired it was the one who recommended this to his client!
Second Place: Menace II Society. In an “era” of movies that purported to paint the grim picture of life in South Central Los Angeles, this was probably the worst of the lot. My brother wanted me to include *Boyz-N-The Hood here, but it was at least watchable. This movie was almost uniformly terrible, with stilted dialogue, a script that was as weak as water, and actors that looked like they had never taken one acting lesson in their lives. While there was a good @ss stomping scene and Larenz Tate played the role of psychotic “O-Dog” well that was the extent of good things that can honestly be said about this crappy picture. A pure waste of celluloid if I ever saw one!
First Place: You would think that a movie that featured Sharon Stone, Leo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, and Gene Hackman would have some serious power, but in this case you would be W-R-O-N-G! The minute that someone had the idea to make Sharon Stone a six-gun slinging, stone cold gun fighting heroine in a western, this movie was doomed. And the premise that a town would be having some dad-gummed “gun fighting tournament” is so lame as to be laughable. Yet that is the very premise that writers and producers wanted us to swallow when they made the worst western, and the worst movie I have ever seen…The Quick and the Dead. Such a great title for such a horrendous movie! And if you think I’m kidding, take a peek at it on one of the 6 million showings that it gets on American Movie Classics (channel 254 on your Direct TV dial). How they could have this travesty on the same channel, and usually the same night, as Open Range is a mystery to me. But the biggest mystery is why anyone even made this movie!
Dishonorable mention: Kangaroo Jack, School Daze, Waterworld, Free Willy, Beethoven ,K-9 Cop, Angels in the Outfield, Roots: The Gift, Exorcist sequels, Poetic Justice, New Jack City*
*Some of these movies I like, but they’re still bad!